Problem:
Ive been a christian for about a year, but before i became one i did some things that i now really regret. One of these was having sex with a girl who was a year older than me. I do really regret it now and i have tried to hide it since i became a Christian but i accidentally told a mate of mine the other day and i think he might also accidentally tell other people. If my parents find out i will probably be thrown out the house but if my mate tells everyone at school then my mum will find out because she works there. Would it be better for me to tell my parents or should i just leave it and see what happens?
Answer:
Firstly mate you are not alone in having things you have done before becoming a Christian - that would include everyone that has ever become a Christian. Do not worry about that, God has forgiven you and you are a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, and the new has come.
Even though the things we did can come back and 'haunt' us every now and then we have to remember that we have been forgiven and God does not count them against us. When we struggle with the past we need to remind ourselves this truth that we are forgiven
I would have thought that a good way to go is to talk to your parents about it, not talking to them could only really cause problems, it would be much better that they heard it from you than from someone else.
I would hope that because it was in your past, and that you have moved on from that and now have a faith where you are aware that what you did was wrong, your parents shouldn't react badly and kick you out. Maybe get someone to speak with you on this, someone from your church, a youth worker or someone you know and trust in the church.
Pray for protection and for wisdom, remind yourself what God has done for you and use your past experiences to enable you to be stronger in the future and give other young Christians help in dealing with similar situations.
Problem:
Gay? I know what i think of when somebody says gay. I think to myself how can i become straight. My problem is i am gay i want to become straight how can i go about working on becoming straight?
Answer:
Thanks for your question. There is no general, simple answer that can be given on this subject. A lot depends on where you are in your own personal journey. But, a couple of things you need to know. God loves you. You are not alone and there are many blokes that are asking the same question. So, don't give up!
You have done well to ask the question, but you need to be able to talk through this with someone that understands your situation and has some experience in dealing with these issues and who will help you understand your feelings and your relationship with God and will walk with you as you seek to be the person God made you to be.
Problem:
I have had sex but I regret it.Everyone of my friends thinks it's cool,but I don't.I want to forget about it.My boyfriend is real active in church and is not having sex until he's married, do you think having a boyfriend like him will help me want to do more as God says?????
Answer:
It’s good that you want to do more as God says. You obviously want to follow Him, which is great, and realise that sleeping around isn’t part of his plan for you.
Having a boyfriend who wants to follow God will help you to follow Him too, in the same way that having a boyfriend, or hanging around with a group of friends, who don’t want to follow God, will influence you away from Him.
But in the end, you will make your own choices, based on what you want to do. If you choose to do what God wants, that means all sorts of lifestyle choices which fit in with His plan for your life. There may be many occasions when you will have to give up your own ideas to do what God wants you to do instead. However, Ashley, don’t go away with the idea that God is tough on you and has hard things for you to do (or that He doesn’t want you to have any fun!). He loves you, He made you, and He knows, and wants, what is best for you. Choosing to do His things will always be better than your own.
God knows, even better than you do, how hard it is to be tempted to do wrong. That’s one of the reasons why He gives us His Holy Spirit, to give us the strength to do what is right. So if you’re ever tempted to go against God’s way, just ask Him to help you. I’m sure you’ll find that He will!
By the way, you say that you regret having had sex. It’s right to regret going against God’s way, but don’t waste too much time in regrets. If you’ve told God that you’re sorry and have asked His forgiveness, then the Bible tells us that he has forgiven you and you don’t have to feel guilty. You just need to learn from your experience and move on with a determination to follow God’s plan.
Problem:
I've been a Christian for ages and faith is really strong. i really like this guy, Will, only he not a Christian and i cant see us just being friends. do you think it ok to go out with him, and try and bring him to God or is just a bad idea? i still have feel for ma ex-boyfriend and i'm not sure what God want me to do! What God standing on women vicars, as i feel God want me to be a vicar!?!?! plez reply
Answer:
Great to hear that you’re a Christian and have a really strong faith. I’m sure that God’s pleased with you too, as you’re considering serving him by becoming a vicar.
The issue of Christians going out with people who aren’t Christians is always a difficult one. There isn’t an easy answer and there aren’t any rules. There are plenty of stories about people who have dated non-Christians and seen them come to faith, but sadly there are also plenty of people who have gone away from their faith as a result of getting too involved with non-Christians. There is no guarantee of Will becoming a Christian by going out with you.
Will must be a great guy for you to want to go out with him, but as he doesn’t have the relationship with Jesus which you have, he is bound to have different values. If you go out together, even though you don’t mean to put any pressure on each other, there will inevitably be pressure on each of you, to conform to the other one’s values. Even though you have a strong faith, it will be really hard for you not to compromise a little. Is it worth taking that risk? Well, you’re the only one who can answer that, but before you make a decision, ask God to help you, and I’m sure he will.
What about women vicars? Kat, I can’t tell you what God’s standing is, but I can say that there are loads of churches with women in positions of leadership, and it’s clear that God has blessed them. The Anglican church now has a large number of women serving as vicars, and there are women ministers in most denominations. If God is telling you that he wants you to serve him, whether it’s as a vicar or in whatever other way, then I’m sure that he will bless you too. If you keep on asking God for his guidance and doing your best to follow his leading, then I’m sure you will end up in the place he wants you to be.
Problem:
Hey, I've got pretty wholesome relationships with my family, friends and youth pastors. God has blessed with me with some truly great people in my life. However i find it hard to express myself emotionally to my friends weither their girls or guys. I think guy's shouldn't cry or hug and show affection to each other and my friends think i'm homophobic or full of pride. What type of attitude should i take, how emotional should guys be? The reason i sort of conceal my deeper emotions and thoughts is to avoid been hurt or having my confessionals bite me in the future but when i do get something troubling off my chest it normally feels like a release. I would be happy for any advice you could give me.
Answer:
It’s great that you asked this, as many teenagers, especially boys, struggle with this issue, and most of them try to struggle on alone for what ever reason, but you have done the smart thing and asked for someone’s advice. I will try to give you advice from two angles, one will be my personal experience, and the other will be from the bible.
My personal experience has taught me that it can be very hard to show emotion as a male growing up, and even as an adult. I was brought up to believe, from my father’s teaching, that males should show no or very little emotion; we live in a world that says males should show no or little emotion. I found that very hard, as I personally am quite an emotional person. I have found, as you have said, that in times when I did express my emotions it has felt great, and it is here that you need to concentrate. An important point to make here, I think, is that you need to take little notice of what your friends think, and concentrate on what you think God thinks - which brings me onto the biblical angle. We, as Christians, are to be reflections of Jesus, so let’s look at his attitudes towards this issue:
Jesus was someone who was full of compassion (Matthew 9v36 for example). He often had his heart strings tugged, and he acted on it (see Matthew 20v34). He was an emotional person, he got very passionate about his Father’s house (Mark 11v14-16), and He was saddened by things (John 11v33 & 38). I also believe that Jesus was a very tactile person, and would have no problems with hugging people, men and women. He had no problem showing his emotion, for one good reason, (and a reason that you can have too) – because he knew what really mattered! And it’s this: what God thinks is all that counts.
And what does God think? We can see in 1Peter 1v22 and 1John 4v8.
So, to sum up, emotions are a gift from God and I believe that we are to express them, whether we are guys or girls, and whether to guys or girls, it doesn’t matter. We are taught that we are not to live in the ways the world teaches, but to be different (Romans 12v2), and to live a life in reflection of Jesus Christ (1John 2v5-6). So be open, as open as you are comfortable with to start, and grow in it as you grow in God.
Final warning: we do, though, need to be careful as to who we open ourselves up to though, as some people, as you said, can come back at us with our past, but true friends, real ones wont. Find those, and cherish them.
I hope this helps a little, if not then please feel free to get back in touch with us!
God bless you!Problem:
How do I get rid of problems in my life? -like, I know I need to change some things in my life, but i don't know HOW! I wish someone would tell me how! I know the first step in fixing your problem is recognizing that you have one-and I do, I know I need to change some things, like I know I need to stop living for the world, and stop thriving on attention I get and instead thrive on God's love for me. But HOW do I do that?!? I definitely WANT to change, and I'm totally ready to, but I don't know how!!!
Answer:
Well, Micah, it looks to me as though you have gone way beyond the first step here. Not only have you recognised what is wrong, but you’ve also indicated that you want to change, that you’re ready to change, and that you want to find God’s way for you to live. Great. You’ve already done the hard part. But as for “How?”, there are lots of different ways. So, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but give you a number of options. You can then see what suits you and your situation best.
The first thing is to recognise that you have a number of choices. If you know how God wants you to live, then you can choose to live that way, or you can choose to do things some other way. But the choice is yours. So, give some serious thought to the choices you can make, what are the consequences of each choice? How will they affect you, both now and in the future? How will they affect your relationships – with your mates, family and, most important, your relationship with God. Once you’ve done this serious thought, make your choice.
If you decide that you want to live God’s way, then you should know that none of us, not one person, can do this alone. You need God’s help, so ask him, through the power of his holy spirit, to give you the strength to stick with it. Keep in regular contact with God, especially when you mess up and do something you know is wrong. Get back in touch with God as soon as you can, and ask him to help you again.
Get yourself some other Christians around you. Watch out for each other, help each other, encourage each other to stick with it.Find yourself someone (youth leader, Crusader leader, older Christian form church or C.U.) who will keep an eye on you and check how you are doing. Give them permission to ask you if you are sticking with God’s way, and decide to be honest with them. Then they can help to bring you back on track if you are tempted to start living the world’s way again.Micah, if you really want to do it, I’m sure you can. God will help you.Finally, I’d encourage you to have a look at the “Radish” discipleship course. Follow the “Mission” link to the Radish page and check it out. It’s a real help for young people like you, aged 16+, who are serious about following Jesus.
Problem:
Yo, At drama club at school today I was with this girl (she isn't even my girlfriend) and because of this "way with women" (as my mates call it) I ended up with my hand under her bra. I'm scared it will lead to more. I also feel guilty. How can I tame myself??
Answer:
Thanks for your message. First of all, thanks for sharing your problem If you are serious about this
Then, I trust that you have prayed about it and confessed it to God ?
He has promised to forgive when we do. Having a reputation of having a ‘way with women’ is not something to be proud of. At your age your hormones are kicking in big time so sexual temptations will be strong. But, you have the responsibility for your actions. No excuses, you must make decisions to control those sexual urges. You must realise too, that you have to treat any girl with respect, especially as I expect that you would claim to be a committed Christian.
So, how can you control your actions?
The first thing is not to get into such close physical contact with a girl in the first place. That should only come when you have established a long term relationship. (and that level of intimacy should normally only be between people that are sure that theirs is to be a God centred long term one) not, something that someone of your age could be sure about. Getting to know girls is always best done in the company of others. You can get to know each other without it getting serious. It will also put a check on what you are able to do. Finally, I would recommend that you chat to your youth leader or pastor. It will take courage, but they can then hold you accountable! Hope that this helps?Problem:
i'm attracted to females! the problem is that i'm a female. is that ok or will i go to hell if i date girls? i'm attracted guys to...so is it a sin to be bisexual?
> Please Please help
Answer:
16 year olds do go through a lot, don’t they?!
It’s a time when you wonder: ‘Who am I?’ Lots of questions; looking for answers. Thank God we have someone who understands us better than we do! God loves you and has the perfect plan for your life. Have you told Him how you feel? He’s a very good listener!
Sometimes our hormones go a bit mental and cause us to have feelings we wouldn’t normally have – especially at your age! This attraction to girls may only be there for a short time. It doesn’t mean that you’re gay!
What would happen if you started dating girls? If you’re feeling uncomfortable, worried or confused; it’s probably God’s way of showing you that you’re thinking of going down a road that He never planned for you. He’s the perfect parent, and He only wants the very best for your life. Your question is: Will I go to hell if I date girls?
God never created hell for people. So how can I be sure I don’t end up there (separated from God forever)? Sin separates. Jesus took all my sins to the cross. He paid the price and died in my place. I accept what He did for me. I believe Jesus is the Son of God. Now I know I’ll live forever with Him. The bible shows me how to live my life. When I do things His way, with His help, I have this amazing peace and joy on the inside of me! (I was really depressed growing up; now I’m so different. God gave me confidence). God helps me through the difficult times.
I have some great friends now too! Choose life!
Being a Christian is not about following a set of rules because you have to. It’s about having a relationship with God because you want to. There’s nothing better than that!
Ask Jesus to help you build right relationships. Ask Him to help you choose your friends. Pray that God will send you a young man who wants to live God’s way too. That way, you can encourage and pray for one another. A lot of Christian young people prefer to hang around in a group!
Problem:I've been at my full time job for two years now, and although i have been brought up in a loving Christian family and totally love the Lord, I have not told my collegues that i am a Christian.
I don't swear , refrain form drink/clubbing and compared to my work mates, i am very different. when i first started (at 16) i wasn't a strong Christian like i am now and would just shrugg off any comments about the different characterisics i had with the others.
Now, i am forever growing in the Lord and belong to a great church with lots of friends. But i feel so guilty to the Lord, a lair and a hipocryte to both my Christian and non-Christian friends (neither know about each other) as well as my parents. Also i can see all my work friends are looking for substitues to fill the 'gap' with drink and sex and other religions (e.g. Buddisum) - when i know the answer there searching for -the Lord Jesus
Christ.
What can i do - i can't say i've just become a Christian because that would be lying but then i've been there for 2 years and it would be a bombshell for me to announce this (i've shrugged the matter off so much they actually believe me).
> Please Please help
Answer:
It's great that you are growing in the Lord, and of course you will now be wanting to share your faith with people around you who you see are needing the Lord too.
Even though before you may not have been confident enough to share you faith, you have made an impact in your work place by living in a way that people recognise is different from the norm. This is good!
You say you feel that you can't make an announcement about being a Christian at work - then don't. What would probably work best is if you bring it into conversations when the opportunity comes up. For example, if you are talking about what you're doing at the weekend, mention in the conversation that you are going to go to church. This way people will cotton on without there being a big deal made about it.
You do need to tell them at some point. Living a Godly lifestyle is great but unless they hear the reason for you doing it then they'll never know and they'll never ask questions about faith or be intruiged to find out more.
It may take guts at first and you may feel like you have been deceiving them up till now but you have to start somewhere and being a bit more open about it in conversations when the opportunity arises is a good place to start. Don't contrive conversations, just let it happen naturally but from now on stop shrugging off comments and be a bit more bold to be more open about having a faith.
It would be a good idea to pray about it! Ask God to give you first of all opportunities to mention your faith at work and then the courage to go through with it. And why not tell your church friends that this is what you are planning to do so they can pray for you too and ask you how you're going and encourage you.
Problem:
I am having trouble with this boy. He wants to get serious, but I don't please help!
> Please Please help
Answer:
It is good that you can say you are unready, as rushing into anything can mess with your emotions.
Talk to this guy and tell him how you feel, if he really cares about you he will respect your feelings, if he ignores how you feel then honestly he is just not worth it.
Honesty is the best policy, and if you are true to yourself then you'll go far - don't ignore your feelings but make them known.
Problem:
I met up with 2 of my (female) cousins, one 13 other 16, for the first time in 7 years. i am 16 and me and the 16 year old remember being at a party kissing the last time we saw each other and she said we wouldnt of kissed if we didnt fancy each other, so I started going out with these cousins and I still fancy the 16 year old and we hold each others hands and put our arms round each other and a couple of times my hand was on her bum! but I dunno how she feels about me. Should I tell her I fancy her and do you think its sad that I fancy me own cousin???? And any other opinions you have on the matter, I will glady accept.
> Please Please help
Answer:
It's good that you get on well with both your cousins and are spending more time with them (I presume you don't mean that you are 'going out' as in a boyfriend/girlfriend with both of them! If you are then stop!). It's nice to cultivate good family relations.
However by taking family relationships a step further, you are beginning to walk on dodgy ground. Some people have no problem with cousins having a relationship, but other do. It is important to consider what both sets of parents will feel if you do take things further. They may well not be happy and if that is that case then I would steer clear of starting a relationship and respect your parents opinions.
I would imagine that your cousin would not let you hold her hand or put your arm around her if she didn't like you. But it is important for you to find out for definite how she feels about you otherwise you may overstep your welcome and ruin your friendship with her. The only way of finding out is to be brave and ask her. Take a deep breath and go for it.
Then if she doesn't fancy you then you will know to totally back off. But if she does like you, then you both have some decisions to make. Do you start going out with each other even though you are related? Before you decide, think hard about what it will mean for you and ask both of your parents what they think. Think about if you split up whether it would create tension in the family and whether it is worth it. Respect what your parents say. If they are against you going out then I would advise you not to and to keep just friends with your cousin.
Before you can decide if a relationship is right or wrong, you need to ask yourself what your motives are. If they are good and pure then thats OK. Focus on positive areas of your relationship: What interests do you have? How well do you chat to each other? Are you good friends? Are you concerned for each others best interests? When you have considered points such as these, you may find your situation & possible actions easier to decide
You also mentioned touching bums. Be careful with this! God wants us to have good and wholesome relationships with each other, but this doesn't come without conditions. God created relationships and he created them to be good and pure. This includes staying away from sexual immorality, which means that sex before marriage and anything that could lead to it is wrong, including not touching certain parts of the body which dont belong to you. God doesn't say this to spoil our fun, but because He knows what's best for
us.
Problem:
My best mate is a guy and we are as close as friends could ever get but people keep telling me that i cant be best mates with a guy without there being more to it. Is this true? And what would God say about it?
> Please Please help
Answer:
think it's great that you are best friends with a guy. Enjoy it!! In my opinion, of course you can be best friends with a guy. There are no rules about who we get on best with! Sometimes girls find guys much easier and
relaxed to get on with, so my advise is that you don't worry about what other people say and you enjoy your friendship.
People probably think that there must be something more to your friendship because you are so close and they don't understand cos they haven't experiences such platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex. But just because people think it doesn't mean that there IS something more! You may find that something more does develop from your friendship in time, but it may not. That's someone no one can predict and its certainly not something that should be expected.
God doesn't say anything specific about who you are best friends with. There aren't any rules! He made us all different and he puts people in our lives who we become friends with. Enjoy your friendship with your best friend and thank God for him and the closeness you share.
Problem:
i have been going out with this boy for nearly 5 months and i have been going out with a boy at school for two weeks wot should i do?
> Please Please help
Answer:
This seems to be a simple case of two-timing which is a low thing to do. You'll end up hurting both boys and won't be doing yourself any favours either. You may well get yourself a name and people may stop trusting you. So first piece of advise is stop two-timing!
Decide which boy you like and finish with the other one. I can't tell you which one to finish with. I would question whether either of them meant that much to you if you were two-timing them both. Don't play around with people's feelings or everyone will end up hurt! Be honest and fair and if that means finishing with just one of them, or even both of them, that's what you have to do!
Problem:
my problem is that i fancy a boy and he has been sending me text messages sayin that he luvs me but the next day i found out he was texting the same messages to another girl. he said that he didnt mean it to the other girl and he did to me
> Please Please help
Answer:
When I read your problem, immediately alarm bells sounded about this boy. If he is doing that kind of thing, whether the text to the other girl meant anything or not, he is playing a game with you both.
If he fancies you, he shouldn't be texting the other girl, that's not the way to treat someone you are serious about, it is an ego boost and a game. If he doesn't fancy you then steer clear of him even if you do fancy him. You'l soon find out that he is not Mr Perfect. You may fancy him but if you can't trust him then there is no base to build a relationship on.
Problem:
Recently I have been having feelings towards a girl, my best mates girlfriend. I get really jealous when i see them together, feel upset for her and angry at him when he treats her bad, i miss her and get a butterflies in my stomach when i don't see her. I care that she will be ok and everything.
I do not know what to do about these feelings, she and I are quite close and i talk to her about things, but I think that if i am to tell her these that it will spoil our friendship if she doesn't feel the same. Also if she tells her boyfriend, my best mate, we may lose that friendship, please help!!
> Please Please help
Answer:
This is a tricky one! I know how hard this must be for you, having feelings for someone and not being able to do anything about it especially if you have to see them together all the time.
Although I symphasise to this extent, I strongly recommend that you don't do anything about your feelings for two reasons, a/you could loose her as a friend and you will probably loose him as a friend.
My mum always told me that friendship is the most important thing, and that you should never put a
boy/girl friend before a friend because a friend will always be there, and chances are you have probably
known him a lot longer than her so your loyalties should lie with him. However one thing I did notice was that you said he treats her badly? I can only suggest that if this is the case she will soon wise-up to it, and perhaps the relationship will end naturally anyhow, but until/or if that happens you have to
respect that this is your mates girlfriend and that she has choosen to be with him for what ever reasons.
Perhaps you should try and make new friends so you don't have to see thm together so much, this should also help. God Bless x x
Problem:
Will my long-distance relationship work? I hardly get to see my girlfriend any more! Please help> Please Please help
Answer:
A relationship needs a number of things to develop along successful lines: firstly it needs commitment between the two of you. If you both want to make it happen, you will find a way. What about meeting up half way? Taking it in turns to visit each other? †
It also needs honesty. Ask her if the distance is a real issue. Do you both have similar feelings for each other? Certainly you need to see each other, or else you'll be boy & girlfriend in name only, but not in reality. Without these kind of issues being sorted, the relationship will naturally fizzle out. Sort them, on the other hand, and romance will blossom!
Problem:
I think my boyfriend likes another girl ... but how can i tell if he likes her more then me?
> Please Please help
Answer:
The short answer is 'you can't' - well, not from guess-work anyway. The only way to truly know (other than, heaven forbid, if he leaves you for her) is to talk to him about it. Honesty is really the best policy - share with him how you are feeling and about some of those insecurities. However, be careful not to accuse him of too much before you know the truth. This is more likely to drive him away. Tread carefully - blokes, in general, are not as comfortable talking about feelings, but hopefully, he will appreciate you being honest with him.
Of course, you might be thinking 'well, couldn't he just lie and say nothing is happening' - this is true but if you are considering being involved in any sort of relationship (particularly a girl-friend/boy-friend one), you need to have a certain level of trust. If you can't trust your guy to tell the truth, then perhaps you need to seriously reconsider your relationship (or at least work on ways of building that trust). I would also advise against the temptation to adopt the playground equivalent of a 'private detective'. Asking your friends whether they 'think' he likes someone else, will probably not make the situation any easier. They are more likely to put more doubts in your head. Sure, seek their advice but the only way to sure is to talk about it with your man.
Problem:
I feel like the only guy without a girl, in the world. When I look around my mates seem to be getting off with girls and talking to them and getting on well.
I was walking down the street the other day and I noticed every time a girl walks past me I look but at the same time I want to cross over.
I feel like I'm not sure how to act around women, apart from mum and two sisters.
What I worry about the most is living on my own for the rest of my life.
The thing that started it off was that every year the family have a get together and my sisters were both siting there with their boyfriends and I was on my own.
One aunt walked in and said to me "where's your girlfriend then" so I felt a bit upset.
The other thing that I feel rubs my nose in it, is that one of my sisters is younger than me and she already has a boyfriend! Do I have anything to worry about??
> Please Please help
Answer:
Of course not! Please don't worry that you are on your own. There are lots of people out there that don't really know how to handle chatting with members of the opposite sex. First of all, I need to say that, despite what your mates might tell you or what you see in the mass media, life is not just about "getting off" with as many girls as you possibly can. Don't feel you are any less of person because you don't and don't let people put you down because you don't too. We are all different - some of us are gifted with charm and the right words to say while others, myself included (!!), have hidden depths that contain great qualities just waiting to be discovered by the right person. You are your own person, the person God created you to be, not "half a person" without some pretty girl on your arm. Discover who you are meant to be and be content with it and I guarantee you will find that people fall for you big time, because you'll shine with confidence and security.
On a practical level, try not to think of girls as any different from the rest of your mates. I know that can be tricky because your mind (and body parts!!) are probably shouting otherwise. However, if you approach them like a "normal person" and try not to focus on them being an object of desire, then you'll feel less awkward. It is most important to be yourself - don't try to pretend you are something you are not. If you can tell jokes, try making her laugh - girls love a sense of humour. But what they like best is someone who takes an interest and cares enough to listen to what they are saying. A good compliment is always a great idea. Basically though, if you value the person rather than focus on whether you are likely to get a kiss or not, then you guarantee to win out even if they don't want to go out with you.
Don't ever feel pressurised into doing something to fit into the mould of this culture. If you are not ready for dating and all that stuff, then don't do it just because people tell you that you should. There are some people, both male and female, that are well into their adult life before they have any "romantic" experience. If, though, you are raring to go, then my advice is go for it, risk the odd knock-back but just have fun. However, please don't go round "getting off" with people left, right and centre! All relationships are based on trust, honesty, commitment and understanding and "one-night-stands" have none of these things. It might feel right at the time, but you'll just end up feeling hollow as a result.
